


Holding on—

by MzMaganda



Category: Stranger Things - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-15
Updated: 2019-11-15
Packaged: 2021-01-31 05:47:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21441199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MzMaganda/pseuds/MzMaganda
Summary: When you can’t right your wrongs and everything falls apart. How do you go on?Nancy Wheeler/ Steve HarringtonANGST — TW
Relationships: steve/nancy
Kudos: 5





	Holding on—

Have you ever had that pain, that pain that you can’t place in any particular location—only the fact that it hurts. Hurts to think, hurts to breath, hurts to feel. That festering sensation was what lingered in the pit of Nancy Wheeler’s abdomen. “Nancy?” It was the soft unsure voice of Dustin Henderson. Numb. Nancy Wheeler was completely and utterly…numb. “You’re wrong.” Nancy replied, her facial expression unchanging as she stared at the concrete outside of her doorstep. “You’re wrong.” She repeated, her voice a tad bit more shaky this time around—was she trying to convince herself or Dustin? “Nanc, I’m not. Steve was shot…I even had even called the police to double check on the obituary…Steve died.” It was winter now, yet…the doorknob was hot beneath her touch, while the entirety of her body was freezing. “You’re…wrong…” She whispered out as she felt her glossy aquatic hues focus more intently at the tips of Dustin’s sneakers. “Nanc…it’s okay.” Dustin brought his hands to her arms and held them as he silently begged for her to look at him, to make sure Nancy Wheeler understood. Nanc, it’s okay…it’s okay. Those were the last words she heard from Steve. God…the look on his face, the way the breeze gently pushed around his iconic locks of hair, and that undeniable look of pain etched all over his face. “NoOoooOo….” Nancy sobbed out as she felt her lips trembling, tears that she tried to hold back, falling effortlessly from her eyes as she felt a sob that was summoned in her chest. “Nanc….” I love you Nancy… Why? Why didn’t she fight harder for him to stay? Why didn’t she fight to make him realize how much she loved him, how much she still needed him? Dustin had watched as the shocked expression was left on Nancy’s face as snow blew in the doorway of her home, over her lap as she looked down at her hand to see his class ring still lingering on her finger—it was the only thing that she had left of him. A year and a half—a year and a half wondering where he was, if he was dead or not. “Steve….” She mourned him as she felt the air suck out from her lungs to where she couldn’t breathe, her heart splintering apart as she felt Dustin hugging the Oldest Wheeler child. “Baby no…” Nancy was begging, begging Steve as if he were there, begging him to stay. But he didn’t, he never stayed and he never came back.

Later that evening…

It was stupid. Believe me, Nancy knew how stupid that it was. But regardless of that stupidity…Nancy Wheeler used this so she could remember, so she could feel. Sitting down on her toilet, Nancy tucked her chin against her knee as her left hand pulled her big toe and her second toe apart, and from there Nancy used her right hand to guide a syringe and needle towards her foot. Looking at how the needle glistened, the light caught her eye and she could have sworn that the blinding light brought an image of Steve. “No…No…” She demanded to herself that she wasn’t going to cry, not anymore, not anymore tonight. Taking in a deep breath, Nancy pushed the needle into the skin between her toes and her heart skipped a beat as she pushed the liquid into her body. A breath. One breath and she felt that pain beginning to reside from her body, melting away as she felt the stinging cold of the toilet against her bare skin. Removing the needle, Nancy tossed it down onto the bathroom trash the plastic clattering as she sniffed hard, taking a few seconds before moving to stand up. As she stood up, she caught the reflection of herself, puffy red eyes, blemished skin, red nose, chapped lips. Blinking back tears, Nancy closed her eyes as she realized that she wasn’t going to win that battle. Holding onto the sink, she felt her heart begin to slow down. “It’s bullshit…” Nancy sobbed out as she realized that even in the darkness of her closed eyes—all that she could see was Steve Harrington, memories reeling through her mind as she felt her skin begin to relax around her body. /“You don’t love me?” / The floor rose up to meet her and Nancy Wheeler had now found herself on the bathroom floor, but instead of indulging in the euphoria of the drug, reliving the best memories of Steve, she couldn’t help but linger on everything she did wrong—everything… It was almost like she could feel his warmth, see him, feel him, smell him. “I still need you Steve…” She whispered out as it echoed through her head, the words he would have never heard Nancy say as he boarded that bus. “Steve…come back…”

That day

It was bright, too bright in fact—thank god for sunglasses. Next to her was her brother Will, and on the other side of her, her mother Karen. Thank god for sunglasses, because if anyone were to see her eyes right now, they’d realize that she was flying higher than a kite at the moment. Her feet and fingers were covered in boots and gloves, and that was a blessing because all of the needle pricks were no doubt going to catch the eye of several inquisitive folks. The funeral was something that was something almost in a different dimension for Nancy, how she wished it could have been different; if it had been her in that casket. Her right hand had been gripped tightly by her mother who had been watching as Nancy spiraled into a depression after Steve had left. But upon hearing that Steve was killed, Karen knew that every fiber of her daughter’s being was screaming in pain. But here she was, stoic, unmoving. People had been up to see Steve several times, and Nancy had yet to see him. “C’mon honey.” Karen noted as she gestured towards the casket that no doubt held the Late Steve Harrington.“Do you realize that this is a nightmare mother?” Nancy questioned which caused an awkward expression on Karen’s face. “This is a god-damn nightmare. Steve Harrington is dead. I still love him. I never stopped…loving him. So officially Nancy Wheeler is in love with a dead-man.” Nancy stated as she moved to stand up. “I couldn’t get him to stay, and if I hadn’t been so immature, if I would have been stronger, if I wouldn’t have been such a bitch, if I weren’t such bull-shit. Steve would be alive right now, I’d be happy, I would have made him happy. So this is a god-damn nightmare.” Nancy hissed out as she took her steps forward towards the casket and it was then that she had smelled it. Four puffs of Farah Fawcett spray. Nancy tugged off her sunglasses—she had to look at him with her own eyes. “Steve…” She whispered out as she felt the world around her melting away and all she could see was him. “Baby, I don’t know how…to be this world without you…I’m so sorry Steve…I’m so sorry…” Nancy’s voice shuddered as she put her fingers to run through his hair and rest on his cheek. “I love you…Come back, I need you Steve…” She begged the corpse in front of her, her heart aching so much it nearly threatened to burst out of her chest. “Come back…I’ll make it right this time…I promise…just…” Nancy couldn’t hold back the tears as she fell onto her knees in front of his casket. “Come back…I’m sorry…” She soon felt the hands of Dustin on her shoulders as he held her tightly as her body raked sob after sob. How could she say goodbye to someone she hadn’t seen in a year and half? Her first love? The love of her life? Steve Harrington? You couldn’t…she just couldn’t say good-bye. No doubt tonight, she'd jump off of the cliff and into icy cold waters--hoping it's freezing grips would claim her. There was no point...not anymore. 

x

Sadness, depression, emotions that clouded the air and kept those that attended in tears. The funeral wasn’t huge by any means. Ironic for someone who had the title of king in Highschool. One might think the world all over would have come by to pay their respects to the man, but that just wasn’t meant to be. Instead what stood was a small group of friends and family that supported and cherished Steve Harrington over the years. His parents said their peace, a few of his highschool friends that kept in touch, but mostly the air truly saddened when Dustin stepped up to say a few words about Steve. Speaking of their time together, speaking of Steve’s deepest darkest secret and how it helped change his life, the Farah Fawcett spray. The advice the two shared, the good times, if ever there was someone Dustin could call a best friend it was Steve. Most at that funeral shared a similar opinion and experience with Steve. While he might not have been the easiest guy to get along with at times, it was his heart that drew so many in and his heart that made it an honor to know him. But it was the aftermath of the funeral, the last few moments everyone had with Steve before he was to be taken away, that was when the petite blonde walked up toward the podium where she hoped she’d find Nancy Wheeler. It was unmistakable, like Dustin, she’d be the one in a strong sense of pain.

“Nancy, Nancy Wheeler…” The shaky voice from the blonde spoke, hoping to get her attention. Her bright green eyes looked back at Nancy, smudged from the make up that was compromised thanks to the tears she just wiped from her face. “Hi I’m…well my names Denise and I was, a friend of Steve’s. He uh…” She said with an inevitable lump welling in her throat. Trying to speak, such a simple action that became as complicated as decoding a rubix cube or Russian code at this point. “I’m sorry.” She said clearing her throat some before she spoke again. “Steve was a good friend to me. He helped me during some dark times and made sure I had what I needed to help take care of my little boy. He was a good guy, someone I owed so much too. The least I could have done was try to make him happy, try to make him smile, but no matter what I did I could never get him to smile. I thought maybe it was just a dark mysterious thing about him, but I found out there were two things that always brought that smile out of him. When he mentioned Dustin over there…” She said pointing his way, the same Dustin who spoke with Steve’s parents. “And especially when he mentioned you. He always spoke about you, always spoke wonders. God, everytime he mentioned the name Nancy Wheeler, his eyes lit up like it was the fourth of July.” She said with a chuckle at the thought. “You were truly someone special in his life. And I…well.”

Dear Nance,

So, you know I was never good at writing. Heck the last time I tried I made a stupid sports analogy to try and compare to my family. God just thinking back on it, how did you not laugh in my face? It was so stupid. Heh, but I guess that’s you right? Nancy Wheeler always seeing the best in people even when they don’t see it themselves. Well here goes, I’m going to give this a try so if I sound dumb along the way, please bare with me. I’m sorry that I left like I did that day. My heart and my mind weren’t exactly agreeing on what they wanted and I…I panicked. I left because my heart wanted you, wanted you as more than a friend. But my mind raced and kept going back to all the moments with us. To the stupid thing I did when I accused you of cheating on me with Jonathan. To the fight we had about Barb, to the fight we had before I left. It just kept replaying all the bad moments we had and it nagged at me, telling me it was just doomed to happen again. I was confused and like an idiot, I ran. Tommy might have been an asshole, but he was always right about one thing, whenever something felt like it was too much to handle I…I ran. And I ran again when I should have stood up and been a man, stood up and talked to you. Instead of calling you, instead of talking to you I ran over here to Wisconsin and stationed myself off. It wasn’t fair to you Nance, it was selfish of me and I never should have done it.

Well, I’m done being an idiot. I’ve been working at this mechanic shop and I managed to get enough money saved up to buy a one way ticket back home. I just need to pick up this check at the end of the week and I’ll be set. In the meantime I’m writing you this letter to give you a heads up. I’ll take any slaps, any yelling, anything you have to throw at me. If it means I’ll get to see the beautiful Nancy Wheeler again then so be it. This time, I’m not giving up on us. I’m on my way to the post office right now to mail this out. I’m coming home Nance, because I love you and I truly believe in us. I’ll see you soon.

Love Steve


End file.
